Friday, November 7, 2008

"Simple Tips"

I get an email every day that has a "simple tip" in it as it pertains to recycling and eco-friendliness. Sometimes the tips crack me up as did today's: Purchase recycled wrapping paper and biodegradable tape for your wrapping this season. Because nothing says love like a package wrapped in some old, used, wrinkled wrapping paper! And with biodegradable tape, forget those "Do Not Open 'Til Christmas" the time Christmas gets here, the gifts will have opened themselves since the tape fell apart! Okay, here's another one from last month: Don’t flush your trash. Using your toilet as a trash receptacle wastes water and can cause plumbing problems. Damn! Now what the hell am I going to do with these banana peels? My friend Carole said it best: "Now how will I ever get rid of my bottles, cans, chicken carcasses, old clothes, and old appliances?" BWAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Simple tips...sometimes just simply stupid. EDIT..11.12.08 ZOMG! I just got another hilarious tip in my email! *ahem*: When you wash your car or boat, never let soaps or other cleaners enter your storm drains. How, exactly, does one do that, pray tell? Maybe you have to wash your car in a giant kiddy pool! Or maybe you wash the car in a giant bag! Yeah! A giant bag...sort of like those oven bags you use for roasting chicken! T H U D I'm picturing the process of writing these tips, down there at the "Simple Tips" office: "So...Simple Tip to do with water. What uses a lot of water? Taking a shower? Washing your dog? Washing your CAR! THAT'S it!" "We already did a Simple Tip about wasting water while washing your car, Dave." "We did?" "Yeah, it was Simple Tip #289." "Oh. Okay...let's think outside the box here, Bob. How else can washing your car be bad for the environment?" "Uh...washing....your car...uh...wastes....soap!" "Soap, Bob? Is that like a natural resource?" *thinks* "Hey Dave! It's lunchtime! Wanna half a tuna sammich?"

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