Yeah, I just invented a new word...arbitrariness. I was getting sick of saying/hearing "random", so I thesaurus-ed a new one. And, yes, thankyewforasking, "thesaurus-ed" is a new word, too. I'll be emailing Webster later.
People at Costco. Are you really THAT thirsty that you need to block the aisle with your garganutuan cart, zombie husband and 3 wandering children, just to get a one ounce serving of the new Tropicana flavour? Here's 50 cents - go to the front of the store, purchase a soft drink from the lady in the paper hat and get the fuck out of my way.
I feel bad for my cats. My dog Duckie is a "head-nommer"...she gives little nibbles on the top of their heads and their fur is always wet and stuck up in the air in odd ways, ala Cameron Diaz in "There's Something About Mary." Then the cats look at me like "Why? Why? In Egypt, we were WORSHIPPED, gadammit."
I love Ohio, but I'm pretty sure winter never used to last 6 months like it does now. Aaaaaaaaaand, how can it be bright and sunny outside, but when you walk out there, it's only like 20 degrees? This is not logical, Captain.
My fish look sooooo bored. There must be something I can invent that would make their lives a little more interesting. Fish basketball? Hula hoops? Maybe a little cube that releases a food pellet when they touch a certain spot with their nose? And why hasn't anyone ever invented fish toys? Certainly I'm not the first person with pet fish who just wants to see them lead happy and fun lives?